Thursday, July 19, 2007
I know I seem kinda crazy lately. Thinking a lot, especially about all the unhappy things. Seriously, I have no idea why am I doing all these things. I can be happy one moment and the next moment, I will just become unhappy and break down. Sigh. What on earth?!? I also do not understand my own behaviour. This is scary to a certain extent. I seem to be indulging in unhappiness and hurt. =/ Crazy? Maniac? Tell me about it. Sigh.
I wish I can keep everything to myself and not make others unhappy. But sometimes, I just cannot control. I am not a robot. I have feelings. Be strong, I tell myself. Look forward, forget about the past, I should not let it affect me anymore. I keep repeating all these to myself, but somehow they do not seem to register. I just keep getting bothered by it. I just cannot seem to let go.
Dear is really being very tolerant and he is really trying very hard to help me. He really is very patient and sweet. He tries to do whatever I wish to do to help me destress and cheer up. He brings me to KTV, shopping, etc... Anything that he feels will make me happier. He wants me to sleep earlier at night so that my thoughts will not run wild. I guess I bring him to his wits end at times too. Sigh. =( He just wants me to be happy. So do I. Cos I know if I am happy, he will be happy too. So I have to try to cheer up. Bliss!! You have to jia you!
Despite everything, I learn that my love for dear has only been increasing more and more. I love him more and more. I need him as the days go by. I cannot lose him as time moves on. He is part of my life, part of me. He is a piece of me, an essential piece. My heart ached as I thought of the past. My heart ached when I read, with everything being so vivid. My heart just ached so much. I was overwhelmed. By sadness and jealousy. By unhappiness and jealousy again. I was jealous of the things he had done. I was jealous of his sweet actions and love. I was jealous of his thoughtfulness. I was jealous of everything. That was all in the past. I am jealous of his past. A past, which to dear, is not important at all. A past, which he rather not have so as to not affect me. A past which he does not want to anymore.
Sigh. Why do I have to make things so confusing? Why do I have to make things so hard on myself?
May tomorrow be a better day! =)
I wish I can keep everything to myself and not make others unhappy. But sometimes, I just cannot control. I am not a robot. I have feelings. Be strong, I tell myself. Look forward, forget about the past, I should not let it affect me anymore. I keep repeating all these to myself, but somehow they do not seem to register. I just keep getting bothered by it. I just cannot seem to let go.
Dear is really being very tolerant and he is really trying very hard to help me. He really is very patient and sweet. He tries to do whatever I wish to do to help me destress and cheer up. He brings me to KTV, shopping, etc... Anything that he feels will make me happier. He wants me to sleep earlier at night so that my thoughts will not run wild. I guess I bring him to his wits end at times too. Sigh. =( He just wants me to be happy. So do I. Cos I know if I am happy, he will be happy too. So I have to try to cheer up. Bliss!! You have to jia you!
Despite everything, I learn that my love for dear has only been increasing more and more. I love him more and more. I need him as the days go by. I cannot lose him as time moves on. He is part of my life, part of me. He is a piece of me, an essential piece. My heart ached as I thought of the past. My heart ached when I read, with everything being so vivid. My heart just ached so much. I was overwhelmed. By sadness and jealousy. By unhappiness and jealousy again. I was jealous of the things he had done. I was jealous of his sweet actions and love. I was jealous of his thoughtfulness. I was jealous of everything. That was all in the past. I am jealous of his past. A past, which to dear, is not important at all. A past, which he rather not have so as to not affect me. A past which he does not want to anymore.
Sigh. Why do I have to make things so confusing? Why do I have to make things so hard on myself?
May tomorrow be a better day! =)
