Friday, November 24, 2006
overcomed with sadness...
Sometimes, I do not know what I do certain things for. Why do I make myself sad by going to read up on things of the past? Why can't I just move forward? What am I trying to do by reading all those stuff? True, I chanced upon them.. but why go read and then mull over it? Then in the end, I become so damn sad over it... sigh... :(
Started to think... why is he so looking forward to Christmas? Is it to make up for last year? Am I some sort of replacement? To replace what he was not able to do with her in the past?
Suddenly, I begin to dread our pending 5th month... because of the date... brings back much sad memories for him, I assume... I really donno how to approach that day... What am I to do... sigh...
Read what he had done for her... Can't help but start to think... can't help but start to compare... Read the blogs that he had written for her.. read the story of meow n sotong...
Arrggghh... I feel so helpless now... I am starting to think again... thinking too much again.. mulling over the past again... I tried telling myself... it's all in the past.. why bother about it? But sad to say, I am so useless... I still think about it... and I can't stop myself.. sigh.. Sometimes, I can't even figure out what I am thinking...
I suddenly feel so small... I suddenly feel so sad... I suddenly doubt everything... oh my god.. What am I to do? Why am I filled with doubts again? I suddenly wished I could have amnesia...
the pain.. the hurt... the tears... the memory... someone help me please...
I must not show it... I do not want to affect him... But I can't hide it too...
=(
Started to think... why is he so looking forward to Christmas? Is it to make up for last year? Am I some sort of replacement? To replace what he was not able to do with her in the past?
Suddenly, I begin to dread our pending 5th month... because of the date... brings back much sad memories for him, I assume... I really donno how to approach that day... What am I to do... sigh...
Read what he had done for her... Can't help but start to think... can't help but start to compare... Read the blogs that he had written for her.. read the story of meow n sotong...
Arrggghh... I feel so helpless now... I am starting to think again... thinking too much again.. mulling over the past again... I tried telling myself... it's all in the past.. why bother about it? But sad to say, I am so useless... I still think about it... and I can't stop myself.. sigh.. Sometimes, I can't even figure out what I am thinking...
I suddenly feel so small... I suddenly feel so sad... I suddenly doubt everything... oh my god.. What am I to do? Why am I filled with doubts again? I suddenly wished I could have amnesia...
the pain.. the hurt... the tears... the memory... someone help me please...
I must not show it... I do not want to affect him... But I can't hide it too...
=(
