Saturday, August 19, 2006
Yesterday...
Had a super long day yesterday... comprises of both happiness and sadness.. both to limits..
din really had a great start to the day.. cos din slp well in the night cos din manage to settle stuff with dear dear.. sigh... just very sad and uncomfortable when nvr settle things... =\ went to school early in the morning... dear dear woke up at 7am specially to give me a call to see how am I.. but I gave him a kinda sian sian tone.. I'm so sorry dear... really din mean to.. but I simply cannot manage to laugh and talk to him when I am upset or unhappy... Acting and putting on a false front in front of dear is smethg that I totally suck at... I just cant do it... =( I am super good at hiding my feelings from everyone.. If I don wan ppl to knw I am unhappy, you can be quite sure they would not know.. but that is totally not possible with dear.. sigh.. dear dear called me during my break but I was in a rush and couldnt really talk to him.. den he sent me a msg saying that he cried so much the previous night when he saw wad I wrote in the blog... sigh... I was so upset... I wanted to cry but I could not as I had to go to tend to those kids... =(
den after that, went down to hill st area to buy some watches and crystals with Serene and Sophia... more or less settled down with dear dear... still couldnt really talk to him in a very happy tone but at least I was much beta le... and hopefully dear was as well... hmm... altogether i bought 7 new watches le in 2 days! mind you... it is 2 days okie!~! no doubt they are not exp watches la.. but still.. haha.. but nm.. i enjoy myself... keke... and dear thinks the watches are not bad too... keke... =p den i bought some findings and all to make my earrings.. hee.. too bad dear not ard to help me choose... keke... but i tried to control myself.. but den i din buy crystals lah... think just one black one loh...
after that, i had to rush down to bt panjang for my tuition le... by den was quite late le.. sigh... actually wanted to go down earlier to watch dear dear play bball.. but in the end... sian... think he also very sian loh... sigh...
by the time i reached nus, it was ard 6 plus near 7 le... as i was walking to the courts, i met QL.. he looked super sian... think he had an arguement with A bah... according to dear dear... dear dear met me halfway... hee... so happy to see him... wanted to just hug him... but den ... hmm... a bit sweaty and all lah... haha... so nvr hug loh... keke... but still happy to see him.. hee~~ =) think that was happiest moment that day loh... But den dear dear hurt his leg le... even before i arrived... den gt this big bruise on his leg... i was so sad when i saw that.. but he insisted that he was fine and continued with his bball.. well, knwing how much this darling of mine loves bball, i let him continue lor.. even though i knew it might hurt at times.. and i was scared he might aggravate the bruise should he fall again.. sigh... oh, met KY aka dear dear's mum when I reached there.. haha.. her comment was ' she looks exactly like in the photo'! keke... =) and dear's reply was 'it is her wad!'... haha... so funny.. den she also said dear dear became fairer le... haha... to which CH comment was 'with me too long le, gt influenced and become fairer also!'... haha... actually i also donno leh... my mummy say dear dear quite dark leh.. anyway im fine with it lah... dark or fair.. keke...
hee... then dear dear gave me a card!!!! to say he was sorry... I read the card real slowly... every single word... hee.. *thanks dear! I really had a surprise... and it was really sweet of you my darling dear! smiles smiles smiles*
den another mishap happened again... dear dear gt hit in the face by the bball... *gasps in horror* and he gt a nosebleed... sigh... was so sad and worried when he gt a nosebleed.. i think i looked really nonchalant at that time... quite bo chup... but the truth is I was so worried loh! ahhhhh!!!! sigh... =( den tried to help dear dear stop his nose bleed... he was tilting his head backwards... from which I knw is definitely wrong... (Reason is cos the blood will flow backwards and it becomes a choking hazard! - just checked this out!) ... so i told him to tilt it forward instead and and apply some kinda pressure to near his bridge area... (Reason: arrest the bleeding on a vein in the nose and speed up clotting process) it would def take time.. but it will def stop the bleeding.. im quite sure of my method... was applying the pressure for dear and at the same time cleaning up for him... when YL shouted over to say that the position of his head was wrong.. den dear was like Huh? den how? who should he listen to?... =p well, i was quite adamant and indigant... so i told dear to stick to my method.. cos I was like quite sure... or rather i was 100% sure i was right... though i couldnt really explain lah... so dear dear guai guai listened to me loh.. keke... sigh... was really so upset lor... den i couldnt help but think that me coming here to early to see him play caused him to suffer all these injuries.. sigh... so sad... like a jinx kinda feeling.. =(
den when we were gg off for dinner, dear and I had a quarrel... over his bball club jacket stuff.. he was quite upset over the fact that he could have left out some orders.. and those were the regular bball players and his exco members... he was gg to give up his jacket to JJ too... =( then well, seeing him so stressed up and all.. and seeing some of them do disappointed, I want to try to help.. but in the end made things worse... cos i made dear dear super frustrated loh... and he simply just raised his voice at me again... sigh... =((( then i was quite upset loh... and dear tried to apologize and then explain things properly.. but i was already quite affected le... then he started to lament abt his bball stuff such as welcome tea... sigh.. i really donno how to help loh.. if i could, i would volunteer to go down and help him loh... i don mind taking ML that day to go down earlier just to help him loh... den actually i was quite upset at myself for not being able to help him alleviate his worries... n felt that i added on some more with stupid suggestions to make him angry... =( sigh...>.<
*seems like the both of us has some kinda chain effect one each other... we just cant bring out happiness if one is not happy... but if one manages to cheer up, usually the other will be able to as well.. hee.. but usu dear is the one who cheers me up... den i can make him smile even more.. keke*
then I told dear I wanted to go home.. and asked him to join his bball mates for dinner while I go home.. I really din want to go there with a black face.. and I knew my tears were on the way le.. and I really couldnt hold back much longer... but dear dear insisted on gg with me.. which i seriously don want... afterall, he only mts then for dinner in such a big grp like once a week and i don really want to deprive him of that loh... sigh... and i was kinda hoping that big grp could more or less cheer him up and all... but stubborn as my darling is.. he simply refused... den somehow it came to this extent where i really cannot control anymore le.. i told dear i really wanted to go home cos i wasnt feeling well... and he insisted on coming with me.. den i just started to walk away... actually when i was walking away, i really had this fear... that dear would really be pissed off and just turn n go away... but he din.. he controlled and he just told the bball peeps that we were gg off... I really felt so bad... sigh... but i also don wan tense up any mood at all... =( den dear tried to catch up with me till this extent that I think he really couldnt stand anymore... and he just stood there and asked if I really wanted to walk away from him... My heart just broke... cos his voice was jittery... I really din wan to walk away.. but i din knw wad to do at all.. sigh... nt that I don wan talk abt it or resolve it.. but i just felt it was my fault and what was needed is I cool off and find the courage to apologize to dear.. sigh... *sorry dear dear* I was really trying hard to fend off my tears while putting on a really nonchalant front.. it was so hard.. sigh...
*to be continued*
din really had a great start to the day.. cos din slp well in the night cos din manage to settle stuff with dear dear.. sigh... just very sad and uncomfortable when nvr settle things... =\ went to school early in the morning... dear dear woke up at 7am specially to give me a call to see how am I.. but I gave him a kinda sian sian tone.. I'm so sorry dear... really din mean to.. but I simply cannot manage to laugh and talk to him when I am upset or unhappy... Acting and putting on a false front in front of dear is smethg that I totally suck at... I just cant do it... =( I am super good at hiding my feelings from everyone.. If I don wan ppl to knw I am unhappy, you can be quite sure they would not know.. but that is totally not possible with dear.. sigh.. dear dear called me during my break but I was in a rush and couldnt really talk to him.. den he sent me a msg saying that he cried so much the previous night when he saw wad I wrote in the blog... sigh... I was so upset... I wanted to cry but I could not as I had to go to tend to those kids... =(
den after that, went down to hill st area to buy some watches and crystals with Serene and Sophia... more or less settled down with dear dear... still couldnt really talk to him in a very happy tone but at least I was much beta le... and hopefully dear was as well... hmm... altogether i bought 7 new watches le in 2 days! mind you... it is 2 days okie!~! no doubt they are not exp watches la.. but still.. haha.. but nm.. i enjoy myself... keke... and dear thinks the watches are not bad too... keke... =p den i bought some findings and all to make my earrings.. hee.. too bad dear not ard to help me choose... keke... but i tried to control myself.. but den i din buy crystals lah... think just one black one loh...
after that, i had to rush down to bt panjang for my tuition le... by den was quite late le.. sigh... actually wanted to go down earlier to watch dear dear play bball.. but in the end... sian... think he also very sian loh... sigh...
by the time i reached nus, it was ard 6 plus near 7 le... as i was walking to the courts, i met QL.. he looked super sian... think he had an arguement with A bah... according to dear dear... dear dear met me halfway... hee... so happy to see him... wanted to just hug him... but den ... hmm... a bit sweaty and all lah... haha... so nvr hug loh... keke... but still happy to see him.. hee~~ =) think that was happiest moment that day loh... But den dear dear hurt his leg le... even before i arrived... den gt this big bruise on his leg... i was so sad when i saw that.. but he insisted that he was fine and continued with his bball.. well, knwing how much this darling of mine loves bball, i let him continue lor.. even though i knew it might hurt at times.. and i was scared he might aggravate the bruise should he fall again.. sigh... oh, met KY aka dear dear's mum when I reached there.. haha.. her comment was ' she looks exactly like in the photo'! keke... =) and dear's reply was 'it is her wad!'... haha... so funny.. den she also said dear dear became fairer le... haha... to which CH comment was 'with me too long le, gt influenced and become fairer also!'... haha... actually i also donno leh... my mummy say dear dear quite dark leh.. anyway im fine with it lah... dark or fair.. keke...
hee... then dear dear gave me a card!!!! to say he was sorry... I read the card real slowly... every single word... hee.. *thanks dear! I really had a surprise... and it was really sweet of you my darling dear! smiles smiles smiles*
den another mishap happened again... dear dear gt hit in the face by the bball... *gasps in horror* and he gt a nosebleed... sigh... was so sad and worried when he gt a nosebleed.. i think i looked really nonchalant at that time... quite bo chup... but the truth is I was so worried loh! ahhhhh!!!! sigh... =( den tried to help dear dear stop his nose bleed... he was tilting his head backwards... from which I knw is definitely wrong... (Reason is cos the blood will flow backwards and it becomes a choking hazard! - just checked this out!) ... so i told him to tilt it forward instead and and apply some kinda pressure to near his bridge area... (Reason: arrest the bleeding on a vein in the nose and speed up clotting process) it would def take time.. but it will def stop the bleeding.. im quite sure of my method... was applying the pressure for dear and at the same time cleaning up for him... when YL shouted over to say that the position of his head was wrong.. den dear was like Huh? den how? who should he listen to?... =p well, i was quite adamant and indigant... so i told dear to stick to my method.. cos I was like quite sure... or rather i was 100% sure i was right... though i couldnt really explain lah... so dear dear guai guai listened to me loh.. keke... sigh... was really so upset lor... den i couldnt help but think that me coming here to early to see him play caused him to suffer all these injuries.. sigh... so sad... like a jinx kinda feeling.. =(
den when we were gg off for dinner, dear and I had a quarrel... over his bball club jacket stuff.. he was quite upset over the fact that he could have left out some orders.. and those were the regular bball players and his exco members... he was gg to give up his jacket to JJ too... =( then well, seeing him so stressed up and all.. and seeing some of them do disappointed, I want to try to help.. but in the end made things worse... cos i made dear dear super frustrated loh... and he simply just raised his voice at me again... sigh... =((( then i was quite upset loh... and dear tried to apologize and then explain things properly.. but i was already quite affected le... then he started to lament abt his bball stuff such as welcome tea... sigh.. i really donno how to help loh.. if i could, i would volunteer to go down and help him loh... i don mind taking ML that day to go down earlier just to help him loh... den actually i was quite upset at myself for not being able to help him alleviate his worries... n felt that i added on some more with stupid suggestions to make him angry... =( sigh...>.<
*seems like the both of us has some kinda chain effect one each other... we just cant bring out happiness if one is not happy... but if one manages to cheer up, usually the other will be able to as well.. hee.. but usu dear is the one who cheers me up... den i can make him smile even more.. keke*
then I told dear I wanted to go home.. and asked him to join his bball mates for dinner while I go home.. I really din want to go there with a black face.. and I knew my tears were on the way le.. and I really couldnt hold back much longer... but dear dear insisted on gg with me.. which i seriously don want... afterall, he only mts then for dinner in such a big grp like once a week and i don really want to deprive him of that loh... sigh... and i was kinda hoping that big grp could more or less cheer him up and all... but stubborn as my darling is.. he simply refused... den somehow it came to this extent where i really cannot control anymore le.. i told dear i really wanted to go home cos i wasnt feeling well... and he insisted on coming with me.. den i just started to walk away... actually when i was walking away, i really had this fear... that dear would really be pissed off and just turn n go away... but he din.. he controlled and he just told the bball peeps that we were gg off... I really felt so bad... sigh... but i also don wan tense up any mood at all... =( den dear tried to catch up with me till this extent that I think he really couldnt stand anymore... and he just stood there and asked if I really wanted to walk away from him... My heart just broke... cos his voice was jittery... I really din wan to walk away.. but i din knw wad to do at all.. sigh... nt that I don wan talk abt it or resolve it.. but i just felt it was my fault and what was needed is I cool off and find the courage to apologize to dear.. sigh... *sorry dear dear* I was really trying hard to fend off my tears while putting on a really nonchalant front.. it was so hard.. sigh...
*to be continued*
